


Epitome of Life

by giftwhale



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Car Chases, Crying, Fighting, Fluff, Gun Violence, Heartbreak, Kidnapping, Multi, Nudity, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse, Smut, Swearing, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-17 05:48:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13652703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giftwhale/pseuds/giftwhale
Summary: Avatar av·a·tar/ˈavəˌtär/ (noun): Hindu Mythology. the descent of a deity to the earth in an incarnate form or some manifest shape; the incarnation of a god.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I was originally working on another piece but I deleted it because I feel like I need a fresh start. Anyways, this is one of my first works ever. I have the whole idea in my head, now I'm figuring out how to put it on paper. Stick with me if you can. Thanks for reading!

Being alive is a peculiar thing. You can smell, feel, hear and see. You can fall in love. You can breathe in a full breath of air and feel absolute and unconditionally _alive_. But, sometimes life just _fucking_ sucks. With all the positives about being alive, negatives are not far behind. Because that’s life, an equal balance of good and evil. 

 

Now, if being alive is supposed to follow these key steps, then something beautiful is supposed to be followed by something horrible. To, you know, _keep the natural balance_. The good and bad things don’t have to happen to the same person, or at the same time. In one part of the world there could be a child beginning to learn how to ride a bike, and all the way across the planet there could be a mother of two suffering from cancer. These patterns can occur anywhere in the entire galaxy. But, when _you_ were born, something beautiful was _immediately_ followed by something horrific.

 

Your small and delicate (and rather _loud_ ) self was unleashed unto the world. Whilst screeching out of fear, pain and the unknown, you were brutally ripped from your mothers hands. Still delusional from the process of giving birth, your mother was held down and forced to watch her child be taken away.

 

The man that had taken you from the one and only home you had ever known, was a heartbroken man. Although, he would never let anyone know that. He wrapped your fragile body into a soft blanket and took you to a small house where many children lived. He knew places like this existed around the universe. Places where children without family went to live, waiting to be adopted by another family.

 

You were dropped off in a small bed, in a room that held a handful of other sleeping babies. He began to turn away from you, but out of the corner of his one working eyes, he saw you reaching out towards him. Pleading him to _stay_. He walked back over to your small form and looked down at you. Your bright E/C eyes looking back at him, holding him in a melancholy trance.

 

He grabbed your tiny hand reaching out and whispered, “One day we will meet again. I promise.”

 

With the last word, he ripped his eyes from yours and walked out.

 

~

 

You were quickly noticed by the women who ran the orphanage and that you were _definitely_ not there the day before. The two sisters welcomed you to the home and let you stay.

 

You were a relatively happy child. Not many meltdowns occurred. You grew to be about five years old until you finally experienced your first tantrum. But seriously, who could blame you? You were minding your own damn business in the playroom when another child came over to your personal space. You were painting a beautiful picture of a flying castle as the little boy came over and spilled an entire bottle of black paint onto your painting. This was not the first occurrence. This one boy seemed to have a vendetta against your masterpieces. You had finally had enough. You looked up at your newest enemy as your body began to shake. Tears began to fall in big streams down your cheeks along with snot running from your nose. The entire scene before you was in slow motion. Toys, blocks and dolls begun to shake along with your body. The glass windows begun to vibrate and the lights started to flicker. It started to rain outside and the wind howled as thunder and lighting began to fill the sky. As you finally reached your boiling point of anger, you screamed in pure hate and _everything_ exploded. The entire room was in shambles. The windows had broke and there were cracks in the ceiling and walls. All the toys were broken and there were pieces spread across the room. Rain began to fill the room and the wind continued to blow.

 

The two sisters ran into the room in to find you in the middle of the room with a rather frightening facial expression and all the other children hiding in the corner of the room. 

 

Long story short, a file was reported and the police were called. And with the police, the media followed. And where the media was, there was usually a breaking story. This time, the subject was you. _Five Year Old Orphan Has Caused An Earthquake._ With the media, came both the curious citizens and the people that wanted to _use_ your abilities for evil.

 

You were locked away in a room and put into isolation until they figured out what to do with you. After hours of crying in silence, afraid of what else you might cause, the door was swung open. An older man walked in with two men in uniforms and holding guns were behind him. He walked over to you and knelt beside your bed.

 

“Hello Y/N. My name is Alexander. And I’m going to be taking care of you from now on.” He said. The man was smiling at you but a shadow was cast across his face that made the smile extremely frightening. He took you into his arms and carried you out of the room. Walking down the hallway, you saw the two sisters bodies on the floor, with blood pouring out of both of their heads. Alexander continued walking to the front door and outside as if two women were not just brutally murdered.You were placed into a black van and the doors shut, leaving you in complete darkness.


	2. Surround. Kill. Let's go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You stepped closer to look into your own eyes. You searched for any sign of humanity they might show. You didn’t find any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE AND TORTURE ARE FEATURED IN THIS CHAPTER

_“But what if you forget again? What if I do? What am I supposed to do_ without _you? He’s just going to keep coming at night and you know I can’t fight back.” You pleaded._

 

_“It’s going to be okay.” He said. He hugged you tight and you stuck your head in the crook of his neck. He smelled like sweat and dirt, but the smell gave you comfort. You began to cry as he held you._

 

_“How do you know?” You croaked._

 

_“I… I just do. I know us. We’ll be okay.” He whispered._

 

_“Please don’t let me go.” You said._

 

_His heart broke as he responded, “I’m with you till the end of the line.”_

 

_~_

 

You woke with a start. Your heart was racing a million miles an hour and you began to hyperventilate. Your dreams were beginning to scare you. They were all _way_ too realistic visions that you do not recall happening. But, they were in such great detail that they _had_ to be real. Your hands gripped your hair tightly as your worked to calm your breathing down. You shut your eyes and breathed in through your nose and out your mouth until you felt like you could control yourself.

 

That was the third time having the _same_ dream. You didn’t know what they were meant to tell or show you but they scared you. They had you waking up in fear, _every morning_.

 

You sat up and took the water beside your bed and drank the whole thing. Your lips and throat were still insanely dry by the dull pain in your throat has dissipated a little. You got up and walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. The person that looked back at you was a ghost. Her hair was damp and greasy from sweat, she had bags under her eyes, there were bruises up and down her neck and her lip was still busted from the day before. You went to touch the bruises on your neck and winced as they were still very tender. You suddenly remembered the day before _very_ well.

 

~

 

_A strong fist hit you in the face. You didn’t flinch or cry, you took it. Like were always supposed to._

 

_A tall, tan, and muscular man stood before you. He had a sick look in his eye. Like he_ enjoyed _this._

 

_You were in torture training. Being taught how to take a beating and not give any vital information, if the time came. And the one and only Brock Rumlow was in charge. He had all kinds of fun toys. You were cut into, burned, froze, drowned and beaten. You withstood it all. You never wavered or cried for help. Because you’ve done this countless times. At the moment, Rumlow was giving you everything he had._

 

_With one last hit, you were nursing a bloody nose but overall not doing too bad. He untied you and picked you up and in bridal style, led you to his room. The next part was not technically apart of the torture training, but it sure felt like it. The thing most people did not know about Rumlow, was that he was a sadist. He_ liked _beating the shit out of people. In fact, it turned him on. And you were his toy._

 

_He laid you on the bed and shut the door. He took off his shirt and looked at you with a sinister smirk. You closed your eyes as you heard the movement of his hands and the removal of his belt. Then you felt your clothes being taken off._

 

_Before you knew it, he was roughly shoving himself in you. With one hand around your throat and the other on your hip, he grunted. And you waited. You waited for him to finish, feeling zero pleasure. Finally, he pulled out of you and laid down next to you. “I’m done. You can go.” He grunts._

 

_~_

 

Looking in the mirror, you saw a tear fall. Were you even sad? You couldn’t even tell because ultimately, you felt _nothing_. You jumped into the shower and sat down, letting the water hit your back. You didn’t know how long you were in there, until you heard a knock at the door. You quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around your body and went to the door. You are met with the eyes you were just looking into hours ago.

 

His eyes roam your body as he says, “You almost ready? Mission report in ten.” You suddenly felt very naked with just a towel around your body. “Yes, sir.” And with that he smirks at you and walks down the hall. You watched him walk away and shut the door quietly. You went over to the uniform that was laid down on your bed while you were in the shower. You dried your body and hair and quickly combed your hair with your fingers. You slipped your skin tight uniform and looked at yourself in the mirror once more. This time, the person that looked back was a pure vision of _danger_. You saw how deadly you looked but ultimately felt nothing. You stepped closer to look into your own eyes. You searched for any sign of humanity they might show. You didn’t find any.

 

You walked into the room that held about two dozen other soldiers. Some were wearing police uniforms and others wearing SWAT uniforms. You walked over to wear you saw Rumlow was, talking to a group of men around him. He saw you out of the corner of his eye and then shifted his body to face you. He smirked as he reached out and grabbed your lower back to pull you closer. He then looked up and past you like he was looking at someone else. He grin grew wider, meaner as he leaned down and kissed you roughly. You let it happen, instead of causing a scene in front of all his soldiers. He pulled away and looked at the man.

 

“Meet your new partner Y/N.” Rumlow said as helet go to go walk in front of everyone to begin the run down. You looked to see who was behind you, the person he was laughing at. The man behind you had long brown hair, he was very well built and tall, and he had a metal arm. You looked at the man as he stared back with an intense look. For some unknown reason, you felt a pang in your heart, and you didn’t even know the man. _Had you two met before? Why would Rumlow show off kissing you to this man?_ Rumlow began speaking to everyone in the room so you looked away and walked toward where the crowd was.

 

“Alright boys and _girl_. The mission is simple. Surround the target, and kill the target. Let’s go.” The room was in movement now. Everyone going every way to find their correct vehicle. You looked to where your “partner” was headed and followed him. You two jumped into the back of a black van and sat down on a bench along the side. The two of you sat across from each other in silence as the door was closed.

 

You were about to accept that this was going to a silent ride until you built up the courage to whisper, “What should I call you?”

 

He looked up at you and stared into your eyes. You felt goosebumps grace up and down your arms as he whispered back, “Зимний солдат.” _The Winter Soldier_. 

 

You didn’t expect the Russian but you were able to translate without a problem. You nodded once more and grabbed a pair of goggles and a mask and slipped it over your face. He did the same. You both sat in complete eery quiet, waiting for the fighting to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and the kudos!! :)


	3. Get Ready... Fire.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally felt the courage to ask the question the had been on the tip of your tongue since this morning. “Do… do we know each other?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!! Chapter 3!! Some depictions of violence, nothing too bad. Thanks for the kudos!

Your heart rate matched the speed of the car. Fast, jerky, and powerful. _Boom, boom, boom._ The mask on your face made it hard to breathe both through your nose and your mouth so you took big deep breaths to calm the beat of your heart and the spasms you felt in your chest. The car was twisting and turning, making your stomach churn as well. You had been in plenty of fights before, but the idea of going into a war zone made you unnaturally nervous anyways. But, you found that nervousness to give you a slight peace of mind, knowing it only made you more human.

 

The car suddenly stopped quickly. There was no movement, and then there was a flurry of motion. You heard gun shots and screaming. The sunlight abruptly shined in your eyes and it made you temporarily blind. Your eyes swiftly adjusted and you saw the soldier sitting in front of you move to exit the van so you followed behind him. You were not briefed on where you were going to be fighting but you _definently_ did not think it was going to be a city. Your surroundings were a shock to the system. You saw tall, grey buildings lining the side of the streets. The streets were concrete with bullet shells and glass scattered every where. You heard screaming and crying as you saw people running down the street away from the chaos ensuing down the street.

 

The soldier was walking to the middle of the street and you looked at him for instruction. He was looking down the street at a car speeding down the street in your direction. He looked at you and did not have to say a word for you to figure out your job. You focused on the car and the air moving around it. You raised your hand up toward the car and found the particles of air. You slowed your breathing and closed your eyes and suddenly everything stopped. With only the force of one hand, you shot the car into the sky and it blew up and skid down the street past both of you. The car was still gliding against the concrete with smoke and fire spewing out the back. The Winter Soldier was on the move instantly with you trailing directly behind him. He was walking toward the broken car with a sort of swagger. He approached the car and grabbed the car door with his metal hand. The car door went flying past you as he knelt down to look into the drivers seat. You both saw that a hole had been dug from under the car and the driver had vanished.

 

You could not believe it. No one should be able to survive a crash like that. While your own anger streamed through your body, you felt worry course its way through as well. Rumlow was going to _kill_ you. And then, there was no worry or anger, just panic. You looked at the soldier in front of you looking for any sign of what to do next. He stood up and walked back to the van but instead, got in the drivers seat. You followed protocol and hopped in the passenger seat.

 

“Where are we going?” You asked. The man next to you was silent. You assumed to find the man that was driving the car. Was he going to inform the higher ups of the mistake? Was it just as much of is mistake as well? You did not know the answer to these questions and his silence was making your uneasiness turn to nauseousness.

 

The Winter Soldier took you through the same city you were just fighting in, but to a more residential area. He parked the car behind an apartment building and got out. You followed suit as he took a sniper and a bag of equipment from the back. He handed you the bag and he carried the gun as he climbed the side of the building towards the roof. As the two of you got to the top, he quickly set up his station as you pulled things from the bag. You took off your goggles to see better, but leaving the mask on, and you saw that there was a headphones inside and looked at the soldier questionably. “What are these for?” You asked.

 

“в квартире есть микрофоны.” _There are microphones in the apartment._ You nodded, quickly understanding what your role is. You put the headphones in and listened for any movement from your target. “Are you sure he is going to be in there?” You asked, tentatively. Another nod from the solider. Then, it was a waiting game.

 

You were not sure how long you two had been sitting in silence. But you were sure that your brain as racing to catch up with everything that had happened today. Who exactly was this man next to you? You finally felt the courage to ask the question the had been on the tip of your tongue since this morning. “Do… do we know each other?” you asked. The man beside you was silent. You looked over at him to see if he was even going to acknowledge you. Before you could ask him again, you heard music playing. It was soft. Old time music. You closed your eyes, relishing in the sound. It brought peace to your nervous wreck of a soul. You had been lost in the music until you heard a grunt from next to you. Your eyes opened quickly, searching for what made him alert. You saw a tall built man pull up on a motorcycle next to the building. He had blonde hair and was quite handsome, you noticed. He got off his motorcycle and walk into the building. Only a few moments later, he walked back out of the building and climbed the side of the apartment and entered his room through the window. The both of you were on high alert, waiting for your target to come into sight. The music then stopped for a moment, and switched to another song. And then you heard it, the sound of the blonde man’s voice.

 

“I don’t remember giving you a key.” He stated, rather annoyed. And then you heard a painful grunt. Another voice followed.

 

“You really think I’d need one?” A pause. “My wife kicked me out.” The voice said.

 

“I didn’t know you were married.”

 

“A lot of things you don’t know about me.” And then you heard footsteps.

 

“I know, Nick. That’s the problem.” Then a light was turned on from inside the apartment, but instantly turned back off.

 

“I’m sorry to have to do this, but I had no place else to crash.”

 

“Who else knows about your wife?” Another grunt, followed by some more movement. 

 

“Get ready…” You whispered. The soldier tensed at the sound of your voice, but then quickly relaxed and put his finger on the trigger.

 

“Just… my friends.” The target said.

 

The handsome man started to sound angry when he said “Is that what we are?”

 

“That’s up to you.” Said the target.

 

“Fire.” You said. There was screaming and yelling of pain coming from the headphones in your ear. You flinched at the sounds of agony as you quickly pulled them out of your ears. You began to pack up as fast as you could, as The Winter Soldier packed up as well.

 

The two of you began running away from the scene as you heard the sounds of smashing glass. You glanced behind you and saw the blonde man jumping through the window and into the building that the two ofyou were standing on. You had reached the end of the building and you both jumped across to another roof. Another smash of glass could be heard behind you. Adrenaline was coursing through your body as you forced your body to run faster. You heard the sound of a grunt and saw that the man behind you had thrown his shield straight for the both of you and you waited for the hit to come. But it never did. The Winter Soldier had caught the shield with his metal hand and through it back at the man. You raised you hand up to obtain control over the particles of air around the man with the shield and threw his body back. You then jumped off the roof and ran into the alleyway across the street and into the darkness.


	4. All For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You wanted to hug him tight. And protect him from everything bad the world had to offer. The problem was, you did not know why you felt this way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Smut and rape elements.  
> Thanks for the kudos, enjoy!

You felt suffocated. Like you had bricks in your chest. You and The Winter Soldier reached the van and jumped in. He turned the car on and escaped out of the city in record time. Your breathing was still erratic. You felt as if these missions should be getting easier, not harder. You were supposed to be a stone cold killer, but it was getting harder to keep your head in the right state of mind. You began to hyperventilate so you ripped the mask off of your face and screamed “Pull over!”

 

The Winter Soldier looked at you, with an unreadable expression and pulled over. You were on a dirt road going to god knows where. You did not even know the location of the base. You ran out the car and dry heaved into the dirt. The car was turned off and the soldier stepped out. “I’m fine.” You groaned.

 

“You don’t seem fine.” He said. Startled, you looked up at him. _He speaks english?_ You just looked at his face. He had taken off his mask so you could see every feature his face held. He was very handsome. He had big blue eyes and pink full lips. _Kissable lips._ You noticed how he had bags under his eyes. Such beautiful eyes should not look like they are in such pain, but his were. His eyes looked tortured.

 

“Do we know each other or not? I feel like I _know_ you. Like… as crazy as it sounds, like we are friends? _Fuck_ , I know that’s stupid.” You mumbled. You wanted to hug him tight. And protect him from everything bad the world had to offer. The problem was, you did not know why you felt this way. You are both _assassins_. You do not have _friends_. You rubbed your tired eyes and fell onto you bottom.

 

“We should go back.” He said. You looked back up to him and frowned.

 

“Okay.” You whispered.

 

The two of you got back into the van. Your breathing had calmed tremendously and you felt the nausea leave your body. He drove you back to the base where you knew trouble awaited you. Once you two pulled into the base, you exited the car and began to head back to your room. Walking through the hall, your door was insight and you were extremely ready for a hot shower and to _sleep_. Entering your room, you stripped your uniform off and entered the bathroom and shower. Wanting to sleep desperately, you took a short shower and put a long tee shirt and underwear on. You got into bed and laid down, instantly falling asleep.

 

~

 

_“Just know that I want you. As a lover, as a friend, as anything other than a partner in crime. We will not survive here. Pierce is going to find out that we are aware, and awake. He’s going to kill one of us and then rip the memory from our brains. But for now, all you need to know is that I want you, no matter what.” You whispered. You caressed his face while the two of you laid in his bed. It was a warm and safe place for the both of you._

 

_“I love you.” He whispered back. You smiled and kissed him lovingly._

 

_“I love you, too.” His metal hand slipped up your legs and to your lower back as he pushed you closer to him. Your naked bodies were smushed to each other as you attacked each others mouths. He then moved to get on top of you. He then slid down your body so his face was in direct line with your soaked lips. He spread your legs and you could feel his warm breath against your wetness. You groaned and grabbed his hair to push him closer. He grinned and said “Patience, darling. Let me make you feel good.” You sighed as you let him go back to work. You felt his tongue slip between your lips as you gasped in pleasure._

 

_“Oh my god.” You felt yourself climbing toward the edge. You screamed as your body was shivering in pleasure as his tongue continued to lap up all of your juices._

 

_“Jesus, James you really went for it this time.” You said with a loopy smile._

 

_“Anything for my girl.” He said back with a full blown grin._

 

_~_

 

Your eyes shot open as you felt hands roaming all over your body. You fought the instinct to fight, knowing the intruder instantly. “Oh, did I scare you, baby girl?’ His voice was a quick indication to who was violating you while you were sleeping. You did not answer. You just let him do what he came here to do. Fighting meant a punishment, and a punishment meant torture.

 

He began to attack you neck with his teeth and tongue, biting, sucking and probably leaving bruises. He then roughly grabbed your breast, squeezing and twisting your nipple. You whimpered in pain; he was usually rough, but not this rough. “Am I hurting you, _sweetheart_?” He growled in your ear. You shook your head, not wanting to upset him further. He got off of you and walked to his coat that was sitting on a chair in the corner while you watched him curiously.

 

“He got away.” He said, with a look of anger. You were not sure who “he” was but whoever escaped, probably was a big deal. “How does fucking _Captain America_ escape?!” He yelled as he went through his coat, looking for something. He finally found what he was searching for, handcuffs. You shivered, not wanting whatever was about to happen, to happen. He then walked over to your dresser and opened the drawer with your panties and took a pair out. He looked up at you as he walked back to the bed.

 

“Are… are you sure we should do this right now?” You whispered, immediately regretting it. He hit you and your head spun to the left, leaving a mark on your cheek. He then grabbed your throat and pushed you onto the bed. He then grabbed your hands and handcuffed them to the head board on the bed.

 

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” He growled. He tied your panties around your mouth, stopping you from speaking. You were not shaking, and not from anticipation, but from fear. He ripped your tee shirt and underwear off. He then began to slap the areas of your body that are the most sensitive. He hit and groped your breasts with one hand and then while he twisted your nipples, he would then attack your pussy with the other hand, slapping your very sensitive clit. You were holding in all of your shrieks until he finally stopped. He unzipped his pants and pulled his hard cock out of his briefs. He kneeled between you legs and spread them a little wider so he could position himself to enter you. You were shaking, as he pushed in with no warning, or preparation. You screamed as his cock ripped through you. He then began to roughly pound into you, hard. He grabbed your throat and nipples. He was whispering dirty things in your ears that made your skin crawl. _You feel so fucking good. All for me. Mine._ You were praying for him to finish soon so you could breathe again. His strokes were becoming erratic and faster as you could feel his cock twitch. He pulled out and stroked him self on your stomach. Hot streams of cum were poured onto your stomach as you fought to cough and catch your breath.

“Mmm baby, you did well. So good. All mine. _Mine._ ” He said, his attitude improving dramatically. He got up and put his clothes on. He then took the handcuffs off and untied the panties that were in your mouth.

 

“I heard your mission went according to plan as well?” He said.

 

“Yes sir, target was eliminated.” You said, your voice sounded gruff and beaten. 

 

“Hmm, good.” He hummed. After picking up all of his belongings, he went to the door. Before exiting, he turned around and winked. He then left and shut the door behind him. You tried to get your body to relax but you felt so violated. You were shaking as you began to cry. You cried and cried until your throat was raw and you had no tears left.

 

Falling asleep with tears still streaming down your face, the same dream repeats itself. You wake up and instantly remembering the dream you were having before. Was it just a dream, or a memory? You played it back in your brain and tried to remember every detail. How your heart blossomed when his hands were all over your body, how he smiled sweetly at you, and how you felt absolutely and unconditionally, in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW: I saw Blank Panther twice in two weeks and it was so so so amazing!!


End file.
